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Welcome to the Official Website of
Dangerously Sexy Soccer Moms!

Stuff: Is your SUV necessary? Interview With a Soccer Mom

Hello there, idiots! Welcom to the soccer mom page. This page is dedicated to those dangerously sexy women out there, typically ages 35-45, who cart around their soon to be mean daughters in their land rovers to soccer practice and to soccer games. If you like soccer moms, well this is most assuridly the website for you! If not, click here and look and this dumb guys page.

So what is it, that is so sexy about these meow cats we know as soccer moms? Well, what isn't? They're rich and their stupid husbands work all the time, so they are never around. Plus, their daughters should be mighty fine in about 4 yrs.time when said Soccer Mom gets passed her meow cat prime.

 

 

Hey ya Soccer Moms!

click here to order this fine shirt

but please order only extra small so that your nice milk cans will be accentuated and all that good stuff. It will make us all really happy and it will set a fine example for all other soccer moms that need to wear their shirts in a similar manner.

 

It is true. This gals are bonkers over land rovers. They can put darn near a whole entire soccer squadron in one of these crazy things. Plus, whenever they need to go fulfill their needs that they are missing out on, since their dumb rich mean husbands are always off adding value at viacom or wherever they work, they can use these comfy vehicles for exciting flings with their choice of any single heterosexual in the world.

But how do you get said soccer moms?

 

Soccer moms are usually found at the soccer games and practice sessions but can be found in a more attentive state close by at the Swensons or Smoothie King or some other default place where 30 year old white moms hang out.

 

Memo from a Soccer Mom

What? You want to set up a playdate for your little Donovan-Caleb and my perfect little Brittany-ashleigh? Um...I'll have her check her Day Planner, after I pick her up from the French American School, and she'll get back to you. Unless she is attending one of her many after-school lessons, we really don't let her play with children who reside outside our gated community, so please don't hold your breath.

 

 

The Pitch

Soccer mom with daughter(s) at some hang out place.Probably right before or after game.

The Score

Feign interest in the kids soccer abilities or whatever. Try not to stare too closely at her daughter's budding breasts, moms hate that stuff. Say things to the mom like "You are a mom? No way!!!...you cant be!!!.. I thought you were only about 25 or so!!!...she isn't your daughter?" She will believe you because she is dumb and belives pretty much anything. Now get her phone number and let the fun begin!

The Pitch II

Soccer mom is alone and
sporting an SUV

The Score II

You need to be in your older 20s for this to work. Say something like "wow that's a great SUV..I'm in the market for one..how do you like yours?" She will tell you a bit about her stupid bitch truck and shit and probably ask you why you want one or something. Tell her your nephews or nieces are in sports and shit and name some local school. Maybe you wont even have to lie here at all... maybe your nephews and nieces really are in sports in school. She will think that's just spiffy that you are taking an interest in your nephews and nieces (don't take an interest in her kids though..like I said, moms hate that). Now get her number..listen to her problems for the obligatory 3 dates and then reinact your fav-o-rite scenes from one of them showtime movies that are on late at night.

All for now you messed up retards. More later.

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